Once more it’s a Dead-End

I feel like my life’s going downhill at every turn; and I just wish I could make everything alright again. I’d never admit this out loud but I am lonely– not in the sense that I am looking for any romantic relationship like every hopeless damsel in distress but just lonely that I’ve cut off my relationships with people and ended up with somebody ugly. I can’t find meaning, my innings are empty. I’ve been misplaced.

Nothing in my life’s particularly beautiful anymore, including myself, and every single day I am facing the darkness, waiting for the grace to be free of this; to be free of me and all I’ll never be.

I’ll never be is what haunts me. A lifetime is awfully long when the word never is at its head.

Ateneo de Manila University during Typhoon Pedring.

When trees go planking.

Street salad along the red brick road.

Apparently two more storms are scheduled to come, one to enter the Philippines’ area of responsibility sometime tomorrow afternoon or evening. It’s kind of a beautiful chaos to me. Like there’s a light somewhere among the downfall, and it might not be a lot, but it sure beats the darkness. After all, everybody reaches out in the aftermath. Finally, a move. A change of heart. A cry of prayer. May Mother Nature be more generous in the next coming rounds.

Typhoon Pedring Hits the Philippines!

The waves are higher than the coconut trees! Manila Bay.

So Pedring swept across the nation since yesterday evening. I didn’t sleep the entire night because of the thundering winds smashing against the hard windows, banging them back and forth like a beating drum. Trees were swaying horizontally and sounds of things flying in every corner could be heard. Thankfully we live in a fortunate area where electricity doesn’t run out, internet can be found, and no flooding. The most of our worries is finding some ice cream to eat and entertainment to watch while waiting for the storm to calm. Other places aren’t so lucky though.

Typhoon Pedring fury along Manila Bay, Roxas boulevard

The US Embassy sinks as rain continues its downpour.

Brave smiles despite the floods pounding the streets of Manila and causing catastrophes.

Three of the most prominent typhoons that hit the Philippines now have more or less the same anniversaries. Milenyo was on Sept. 28; our mango tree almost crashed into our living room if it hadn’t fallen the other way. Ondoy on Sept. 26 that caused fear and trauma within people after just a little drizzle of rain afterwards, due to heavy downpour for days. And now Pedring on Sept. 27. This might be a recurring thing every year from now on. Pag-Asa seems to make a big deal of storms that aren’t really strong but they dismiss the storms that are (like this one which they didn’t anticipate and therefore did not recommend suspension of classes). I’m sorry but our Pag-Asa Typhoon System is really bad. Most of their info hasn’t come off exactly right yet. They should feel bad for themselves, and for everybody not properly prepared or correctly informed.

Stay safe everybody, and as always, pray for the Philippines.Marikina river submerging houses. View from Libis, Quezon City.

Up till now the rain hasn’t let up but the sound and the gloom is definite bedweather. While everybody’s fighting outside for their lives, I’m here lying on my bed having the time to write about it while waiting for my torrent downloads to finish. I’ve got piles of work to begin before the school semester ends but the rain makes me calm, makes me feel alive, a kind of harmony in its washing that awakens something in me that the heat of the sun will not do.

Like my mother always said, “why the frown when it rains? don’t you know, rain has the potential to be a blessing.” This is to being grateful for all that we have, and for being alive and well.

Stay safe everybody. And as always, pray for the Philippines, and the rest of the world. I’ll leave you with the lasting image of this large gargantuan humongously big tree uprooted somewhere in Quezon City. Stay strong and blessed!