The space where the metaphysical and the existentialist connect is my God-given name: Alexis. I’m currently twenty years old, living a life I’m not really living; more like watching it move from a distance in a body I did not choose and an existence that had known my name before I was born. I am written in the constellations, in the pouring rain, in the way the breeze kisses my face, and the sun tints upon my burned skin. Mostly I am held dear in the palm of the Creator’s hand– the Father Almighty– called here towards a purpose I do not yet know, in a world I cannot fit in nor understand. I am neither metaphysical nor an existentialist (but maybe I am); I just put them together because they connected at my identity, what I am called here on Earth must mean something. I dare not think I’m insignificant.
I’m just a girl trying to figure out how to move about in this world where there are more ways than one to living but all of them matter somehow; all of them connect at an invisible dot that sometimes lights in the dark where distractions dim. I have always been a lover of the metaphysical– the more; the bigger picture and the afterlife where being human is not the destination and is instead the bridge of journey towards the Heavens. I am a believer in miracles, in the fairy tale ending, in everlasting love and magical things, but all this points to the metaphysical which I am putting above over the experience of existence– of humanity. Following the thoughts of the philosopher Nietzsche, to be human is a gift. That we often look towards the metaphysical– in fact prioritize it instead of embracing the complexity of being human. He promotes the acceptance of human struggle, “You must still have chaos in oneself in order to give birth to a dancing star.” And indeed I am in chaos, this is the boiling point of being human. So complex, intricate, thorny. So lost in the undertow.
The philosopher does not reject the metaphysical, but simply teaches to embrace the rawness of humanity; don’t trade it for the world. To Nietzsche, humanity is not a definition. It is a task; a condition. A situatedness or givenness to us all that ultimately we must learn to embrace, to overcome, to love. To dance with the chaos in order to cross the bridge and move forward.
Still a believer, this is my endeavor.