It’s My Season.

Everydayisa wrote a very inspiring post today– one I very much needed to read. And I quote,

You’re stumbling into a new space with new dreams, new people, new discoveries and new doors. We’ve all been here before. We’ve all had our well-lined plans knocked down to the ground by an invisible force. We’ve all found ourselves back at Square One. We welcome you to this place of New Beginnings. Personally, I hope you let your time here change you. Let your vulnerability be the place where you find the very best of yourself.

Because, bittersweetly, this is not going to last forever.

But while life is conveniently falling apart so that a few more beautiful things can fall together, I hope you invest time in solitude. Get to know who you are without the trappings of company. Relish the quiet moments. Acknowledge your demons. But, most of all, build a vivid love affair with yourself.

You’ll find that there is nothing to be lost in loving yourself better. In fact, it is the secret behind loving people with greater compassion and fiercer loyalty.

I hope that the deconstruction of your life will mean the reconstruction of you. I hope that you will embrace this chapter as a time to re-evaluate the weight of your own passion and dreams. You are not going to dare settle for a small life. You will not let pain paralyze you. Rather, you will allow it to be the catalyst that gets you chasing after the life you always dreamed of.

This is the season of you. The season of making yourself Somebody, not for Anybody, but for You.

I have always been afraid of loss without really understanding what it meant or what I’d come to lose in the first place. It has always been a series of fights and struggles just so I wouldn’t go through the pain of losing but guess what? These past months I’ve been losing, every damn day and today I’m struck by the weight of my decisions and all the careless mistakes I made and the time I let waste away. I got two F’s this semester and not just in any subjects but in my majors too. Two F’s. I’ve never gotten an F my entire life. In fact, this isn’t the girl I’ve ever been. God, I am so terrified. So shaken of seeing the actual print– a real sign of who I’ve been these past months finally coming to play in my head. I deserve this, I really do. But I’m alive, I’m awake, and the best thing I can do is not let it happen to me again. I’m following Isa’s advice. I have to change, and I have to be better. Within these failures I am slowly learning to embrace, I hope I find the very best of me. I am truly splendid and great. I am talented and wise. This time I’m going to be brave. I’m renovating myself and I swear, I’ll be better than alright and more than just good enough. To the beauty in change and the unmarked and cloudless future. Being back to Square One never felt this right. 🙂

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