On Losing a Guinea Pig

I came across this symbolic list for weight loss today:

Your weight loss =

1 pound = a Guinea Pig
1.5 pounds = a dozen Krispy Kreme glazed donuts
2 pounds = a rack of baby back ribs
3 pounds = an average human brain
4 pounds = an ostrich egg
5 pounds = a Chihuahua
6 pounds = a human skin
7.5 pounds = an average newborn
8 pounds = a human head
10 pounds= chemical additives an American consumes each year
11 pounds = an average housecat
12 pounds = a Bald Eagle
15 pounds = 10 dozen large eggs
16 pounds = a sperm whale’s brain
20 pounds = an automobile tire
23 pounds = amount of pizza an average American eats in a year
24 pounds = a 3-gallon tub of super premium ice cream
25 pounds = an average 2 year old
30 pounds = amount of cheese an average American eats in a year
33 pounds = a cinder block
36 pounds = a mid-size microwave
40 pounds = a 5-gallon bottle of water or an average human leg
44 pounds = an elephants heart
50 pounds = a small bale of hay
55 pounds = a 5000 BTU air conditioner
60 pounds = an elephants penis
66 pounds = fats and oils an average American eats in a year
70 pounds = an Irish Setter
77 pounds = a gold brick
80 pounds = the Worlds Largest Ball of Tape
90 pounds = a newborn calf
100 pounds = a 2 month old horse
111 pounds = red meat an average American eats in a year
117 pounds = an average fashion model (and shes 5’11”)
118 pounds = the complete Encyclopedia Britannica
120 pounds = amount of trash you throw away in a month
130 pounds = a newborn giraffe
138 pounds = potatoes an average American eats in a year
140 pounds = refined sugar an average American eats in a year
144 pounds = an average adult woman (and shes 5’4½”)
150 pounds = the complete Oxford English Dictionary
187 pounds = an average adult man
200 pounds = 2 Bloodhounds
235 pounds = Arnold Schwarzenegger
300 pounds = an average football lineman
400 pounds = a Welsh pony

It’s strange but it can actually be a motivating force for future announcements such as “Guess what? I’ve lost weight equivalent to a sperm whale’s brain!”. That’s actually my goal right now, to lose a pound a week by decreasing what I eat and doing a little exercise here and there, mostly swimming and jogging around the village when I have the time and company. It’s actually strange but I have recently just realized how unhealthy I am right now and it’s so appalling how I was just fine more than a year ago. A lot can really happen in a year and I vow that by the time I am twenty-one, I will be living a totally healthier lifestyle. I can’t promise that I’ll look good but I can promise that my diet and exercise will be on a regular basis and I will take care of myself to the point of control and love.You know those frustrating moments when you see a delicious pastry in front of your eyes and you tell yourself, DON’T LOOK AT IT but you can’t resist anyway and in the end, you gulp the whole thing in one bite savoring its deliciousness and then you begin feeling sorry for yourself afterwards at the heaviness you know you’ve gained from overeating? That can’t happen anymore. No more slip ups (although exceptions may be allowed SOMETIMES– not often!). I have to be good to myself. No more pity parties after indulging. If I overeat, I exercise. If I know I won’t exercise for that day, I won’t overeat. Let’s stick to the basics first.

According to the calorie calculator, I burn about 1,690 calories each day, even without exercise. (Gosh I hope that’s right because I REALLY do no exercise at all… well let’s say 1,500 then to be safe). In order to lose a pound each week, I have to cut back at least 500 calories of that. To lose a rack of baby back ribs, I have to cut back 1000. Of course I’m going to stay safe and not starve myself to death here; it’ll only slow down my metabolism and hold on to my fat which I am desperately trying to rid therefore cutting back my take in and definite swimming thrice a week should do. I have exactly eight weeks before the second semester begins; a week each to lose a guinea pig, and by the end I should’ve lost an entire human head! It is a start.

A year ago, I actually tried to lose weight by going to the gym and ‘kind of’ eating less but nothing worked for me. I stayed the same throughout. This pissed me off which may be why I am usually so hopeless when it comes to weightloss but this time I am excited because now I can force my body to stop being sedentary! Surely I will see results soon.

Here’s to losing a dozen Krispy Kreme glazed donuts by next weekend!


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