I awoke today with my yaya knocking loudly on my door, urging me to wake up. For some reason every time I have a dream that merits longer sleep, my yaya comes rumbling in with heavy knocks that seep into the dream. While asleep I begin to think ‘oh it’s an earthquake’ then my eyes open a little and I hear the knocks but I’m still dreaming so in the dream I’m experiencing a wild tremor until the knocks get louder and finally my yaya barges in and wakes me up for good. Mom and Pop had a little visit to my room too while I slept and I swear I did hear them but I was still in the dream. I think it’s quite interesting how dreams work and how they line up with reality. I wonder if dreams have any true meaning at all.
We traveled towards the cemetery today to visit my Lola. My first-level relatives from my dad’s side were all there too and every time we come across each other I can’t help but feel insecure. I’m the short, weighty, awkward girl. No matter I try, I cannot conform. This will be my body forever and this will always be me. We went to Bonifacio High Street afterwards to have lunch in Cav, a high-end restaurant that focuses on wines. When we first entered, a minty scent pierced our senses. It was different alright. Their tables were also mapped with papers as placemats so the first thing we did was take out our pens and draw on them. Later on, we formally asked for crayons. The food was ultra expensive; their glass of sangria was P270 which I ordered to remind me of Spain. I got dizzy after three sips but it was good. Then we went to buy Sonja’s cupcakes! My favorites are the vanilla variety which are totally better than Marta’s. I’m never settling for anything less now. We then went to Fully Booked afterwards & went home.
Mass was at 6:30 in Hillsborough and we met up with my mom’s side of the family next and had them over for dinner! Plenty of laughs and good times and we saw old family albums! I was such a fat & dark baby! Eew. Hahaha. While at the dinner table I realized that I like who I am when I’m with my family. That my family will be the people closest to ever finding about who I really am. I then imagined about that boy– any boy, who I can be myself with like I am with them. It’s hard to picture because I’m usually shy and reserved and so insecure but I hope one day, without even thinking, I am able to be myself around people and they wouldn’t mind all my quirks and flaws and body movements and still want me too. No bolting because of me. I want people to be brave enough to stay. I want to be loved when I’m not holding back.
Sundays are my most favorite days of the week!